Hidden Shadows
by SETI-fan
Summary: After Holtzmann's toast, Abby realizes she needs to talk to her old friend about why she didn't know about her past.


**I just keep coming back to Abby/Holtz friendship fics in between writing bigger ones. This idea was inspired by this post ( post/157312977786/ok-so-i-was-going-to-reblog-this-and-add-on-but-i) about how Holtz's toast was totally new information to Abby.**

* * *

It sounded like a bad joke, but Abby really did love the rhythm of the night.

She loved their new situation, with Erin back in her life and Patty bringing a fresh energy and insight to the team. They had confirmed the existence of ghosts, built incredible technology to observe and contain them, and even saved the world to boot. In just a few weeks' time, she had gone from a dead-end, but fun job in the basement of an unaccredited school that couldn't even call itself a college to working in a barely-vacated restaurant loft to being offered an entire _awesome_ building, fully-funded, to devote to her life's work. And she got to do it all with her best friends in the world.

Not a bad month.

It would still be a few weeks before the firehouse was renovated enough for them to begin permanent operations out of there, so they were currently splitting their time packing at the old place, planning and furnishing the new lab, and fielding the barrage of calls that had followed their sudden popularity.

It was an exhilarating and joyful time for all of them, but eventually even adrenaline and oxytocin wore off and exhaustion crept in.

Apparently Erin and Patty had had established routines before all of this and their bodies were resisting the chaotic schedule of ghostbusting. Tonight, Erin had fallen asleep at one of the booths, head resting on her folded arms, drooling slightly on a stack of paperwork that would probably need to be rewritten tomorrow. Patty had said she just needed to rest her eyes, making a nest in the corner out of insulating foam and coats. Three hours later, she was still out cold.

Abby and Holtzmann's internal clocks, on the other hand, had long given up on trying to keep track of what time of day it was, so they were still wide awake and busy at their work well after midnight. Abby hummed along with the radio, which was at a lower volume out of respect for their sleeping friends, as she organized wires and spare parts for their move. Holtzmann bobbed her head and swayed while she repaired the parts of the proton packs she could work on quietly.

It was hushed, easy, and warmly familiar. As thrilled as Abby was having her oldest friend back at her side and Patty's engaging personality adding new fun to their adventures, for the past few years it had been just her and Holtzmann. Stealing a little while where it felt like old times, working through the night in their lab after even the janitors had gone home, was pleasantly grounding as the rest of their life had become a whirlwind.

"Does Zhu's have a dessert menu?" Holtz asked out of the blue.

Abby stirred her mind from its relaxed zoning. "Hm? Uh, yeah, I think so. You need a snack? They're closed, but we could run over to a bodega or something."

"Nah, I was just going to raid their walk-in for some whipped cream." Holtz leaned on her bench, eyeing their sleeping teammates thoughtfully. "Patty fell asleep with her hand palm-up. How am I supposed to ignore that kind of temptation?"

Abby looked over, then back to the mischievous glint in Holtz's focused eyes. "Maybe by imagining what Patty'll do to you if you pull that prank on her?"

Holtz pursed her lips, then shrugged, straightening up again. "Fair enough. I'll have to think of other sleepover games."

Abby just snorted a laugh, admittedly amused to see what she came up with. It made her happy to have others around for Holtz to mess with, not just because it redirected her from pranking Abby, but because it felt good to see Holtz enjoying herself and bonding with more people. Back at Higgins, she hadn't really had a social life outside of their lab partnership.

A little twinge went through Abby's stomach, sobering her mood. Something had been weighing on her mind for a few days now, but she hadn't had the one-on-one time with Holtzmann to bring it up.

Well, they were here now…

Abby cleared her throat. "That toast you gave the other day was something special."

She could almost feel the air get tenser around them, like an APX shift. "Yeah." Holtzmann rubbed her ear, looking only at her work. "I meant all of it."

"I know. It was…really nice." Abby rubbed the bundle of wire she held with her thumb. "Was I really your first friend?"

Holtz drew a long inhale through her mouth, making a wet hissing sound. She surveyed the proton pack, her arms braced on the table. "Yep."

"Huh. I never knew that," Abby said softly. "We've worked together for years and I had no idea."

Holtzmann shrugged, an almost involuntary jerk. "You never told me Erin's haunting wasn't a one-time thing," she said, looking at her out of the side of her eyes. Her tone wasn't accusing, per se, but had the barest edge of confrontation to it. "Or that she was sent to a shrink for it."

Abby bristled slightly, holding up one finger. "Now, that's not exactly the same—"

"Or that you were her first friend too."

Abby stopped, not sure what to say to that.

"Things were good," Holtzmann continued, turning back to her work with more determination. "And now they're really good. Why drag the past into it?"

"I guess. But you let me vent about Erin all the time!" she protested.

Holtzmann's face was kinder when she looked back this time, smiling faintly. "Sounded like you needed it."

"And there's nothing from your past you've needed to vent about over the last few years?" Abby said challengingly.

Now her usual bright grin split Holtzmann's face and she spread her arms to gesture at the room. "Nothing that matters when we've got all this."

Right, Abby thought dryly as Holtz focused back on her work, moving to the beat of the new song that had started on the radio. She remembered how emotional Holtzmann had gotten after seeing Abby and Erin do their dance routine from high school. She had kind of been aware of it at the time, but then the news report about their video pushed any concerns to the back of her mind. Looking back, though, she saw the wistfulness, the genuine meaning as Holtz said she was glad they were back together. And now it broke Abby's heart to think that in her entire life, Holtzmann had never had someone the way she and Erin had had each other. She had gone through childhood and adolescence alone, to some unknown degree. No one to stick up for her if she got bullied. No one to share her excitements and hobbies and accomplishments with. And even through all her time in college and grad school and CERN, surrounded by her peers…at no point had someone appreciated her humor and genius and profound affectionate devotion to anyone who offered her friendship? Had she truly lived more than twenty-five years without anyone to call a friend?

"Got it," Holtzmann said suddenly, pulling open a drawer and searching through it.

"What?" Abby asked, pulling herself back into the present.

Holtz pulled out a Sharpie pen. "I'm going to draw something on Erin."

"Uh…" Abby watched her walk over to their sleeping friend. "Okay, maybe just…be careful? Her nose is almost as good as yours, so maybe don't draw anything on her face."

"Thanks."

Deciding she had satisfied her loyalty to both her friends, Abby watched Holtzmann carefully draw a black spider shape on Erin's left forearm. Erin murmured something, but didn't stir until after Holtzmann had finished and hurried quietly back to her workbench.

Erin stretched, peeling her face off the paper and scratching at her arm where the marker had tickled. Looking down at the source of the irritation, she let out a cry and smacked her arm, jerking backward in the booth.

Patty lunged up from her cushions, disoriented but ready to fight. "What?! 'S it a ghost?"

Erin glared at her arm, then across the room to where Holtzmann's face was scrunched up in silent laughter. "Holtz!"

"It's okay, Patty," Abby assured her. "Holtz is just bugging Erin."

"Hey!" Holtzmann beamed at the pun, offering Abby a low-five.

"Funny," Erin grumbled, rubbing at the ink. "Glad you're putting that 163 IQ of yours to such great use."

"I thought with your hair it made a good Halloween theme." Holtzmann gestured to her still-orange locks.

Patty looked at her own hands, then glared up warily. "If she drew anything on me, there'll be hell to pay. I hope you know that."

"Patty, I would never dream of doing such a thing to you," Holtzmann said with offended innocence. "Right, Abby?"

"Yep, she didn't even try to draw on you," Abby agreed carefully. _Now, if she had found that whipped cream…_

Erin was now peering blearily around the lab. "What time is it anyway?"

Abby checked her watch. "About two-thirty a.m."

"Oh, uh-uh," Patty said pushing herself to her feet. "It's both too damn late _and_ too damn early to be doing stuff like this. Come on, I'd like to sleep in a real bed at some point tonight."

"All right," Holtzmann sighed. "Guess the pack's not going anywhere before we get back." Her eyes brightened. "Hey, what if I made the packs mobile? If I add a couple robotic legs, they could load into the car themselves. We'd just have to call them and they'd climb on our backs—"

"I'm gonna nope that idea right now," Patty said. "I don't want anything crawling on my back unless it's bought me dinner and drinks first."

"Really?" Holtzmann asked, face splitting in a grin.

"Can we not talk about crawling?" Erin asked, scratching her arms. "I still feel like something's on me."

"I think that's probably a good sign we all need to get some sleep." Abby started gesturing everybody toward the door with her. "Got lots more packing to do tomorrow."

"Ugh, do not remind me about that until I've had coffee and at least five more hours of sleep," Patty groaned.

"So maybe not the best time to mention I made some adjustments to the coffee machine and for the moment it's only producing about one milliliter amounts at a time?" Holtzmann said.

"Okay, you're buying coffee in the morning. Scratch that, Erin, you're buying coffee."

"Why do I have to buy the coffee?" Erin asked, offended.

"'Cause I don't trust her to bring home something actually drinkable. Probably knows a guy who makes like super concentrated stuff from Colombia that'll stop your heart."

"Please, I haven't spoken to Miguel since grad school," Holtzmann scoffed.

As they made their way out the door, Abby put her hand on Holtzmann's back, not saying anything, but just leaving it there for a moment. Holtz paused and glanced at her, but smiled and gave her a wink before both continued to the stairs.

Whatever Holtzmann had insisted, Abby decided to keep a closer eye on her in the future. She may not have known about it before, but now that she knew there were shadows behind Holtz's cheerful persona, she vowed to repay her years of friendship and be there for her in return. She just hoped when the day came that the shadows got too heavy to carry, Holtz would trust them enough to let them support her.

* * *

 **I think there's a second part to this, addressing the day Holtz finally does break down. I just have to pick which story idea wants to be the second part of this and which ones want to be stand-alones.**


End file.
